Today marks the seventh anniversary of the second saddest day in my life. The day we buried my beautiful boy. I look back and see it has been more than a year since I posted here. So much has happened and yet not much has changed. While so many people see New Year’s Eve as a time to celebrate new beginnings, for us, it will always be the anniversary of a different kind of beginning.

So what do I have to add to these ramblings over the past seven years? I turn this question over and over and come up with, not much. As you might surmise from my long absence, I no longer have the burning imperative to write, no vital messages I am driven to share. Life goes on. I guess that is the distillation of my experiences. Life goes on within you and without you.

On Monday, the 28th, the saddest day, it was pouring rain most of the day. Ordinarily, (although nothing about this is ‘ordinary’) we would have gone to Hillside to visit. Not that Jake is anywhere near there, but seeing the stone, listening to the whooshing of the fountain, seeing the low winter sun, brings back those memories of a day of shattered dreams. So we stayed home and watched the gray, wet sky. And as always, I wondered what might have been.

We have a select group of friends who remember too. Some of them are Jake’s friends, some are our friends who were there from the beginning, both firemen and builders. We are gratified that they won’t forget him. He touched so many people in such profound ways, It is still difficult to fathom that he is gone. And yet, he is.

Wishing you a new year filled with as much peace and happiness as you can find. Be grateful for what and who you have around you. It is all so fleeting, hold on to it while you can.