Solving the Problem of Grief: The Solution Is Not What You Think

Natasha's Memory Garden

By Megan Devine

Posted: 01/23/2014 5:51 pm

Solving the problem of grief is a problem in itself: if the ways you are broken cannot possibly be fixed, why does everyone keep giving you solutions?

Before my partner died, I was reading There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem by Dr. Wayne Dyer. It’s a great book. When I tried to pick it up after Matt died, though, I couldn’t get back into it. It just kept feeling wrong, like there was a burr inside the words that scratched uncomfortably. I kept trying to find comfort in the words I found comforting and helpful before, and those words were just not doing it.

I put the book down. I picked it back up. The burr rasped and the words didn’t fit, and I put the book back down.

It was several weeks later when my eye happened to catch…

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About edcol52

The Infinite Fountain of Love and Loss flows unceasingly into the pool of memory and sorrow. I created this blog in response to the most dreadful tragedy every parent fears, the death of a child, our 24 year old son, Jake. We are now on an unimagined journey along this road of grief and recovery. If you can find some comfort within these pages, than I will have succeeded in some small measure.
This entry was posted in Friends and Family, Grief, Healing, Kindness, Print Article, Progress, Sadness, Support, Tragedy. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Solving the Problem of Grief: The Solution Is Not What You Think

  1. Wonderful article, Ed. Also, take a look at the World Health Organization’s YouTube video THE BLACK DOG. Though it’s about coping with the medical condition that is clinical depression, it makes a similar point: anguish is a chronic condition, not a “problem” with a rainbow and some elves at the end — and what you are suffering can’t even be tempered with a daily prescription. A grenade went off in Terry’s and your lives; no one else can tell you how to pick up the pieces. But you remain surrounded by love, support, and the one-of-a-kind legacy of Jake himself.

  2. grahamforeverinmyheart says:

    I am so sorry to learn of your recent and sudden loss of your beloved 24 year old Jake. There are no words to capture the full horror and sorrow of such a terrible loss.

    With your permission, I have added your blog to the site that I am curating in memory of my 23 year old son, who died 20 months ago.
    The site consists of blogs, articles, websites and other resources that might be of interest or help to bereaved parents and siblings. I think if you look through the 14 pages I have thus far compiled, you’ll find many blogs by parents which may help you to feel a little less alone on this unwelcome journey.

    • edcol52 says:

      I am honored you saw fit to include my musings on your site. I am doing the same with yours. I provided a link to you in my resources section. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I am deeply sorry for your loss, I can truly understand what you are going through. The millions and millions of words I may write can only give someone who has not experienced this themselves a shadow picture of what it is like. Hopefully, and that is my main intent in creating this, it may give some help and hope to those who are going through it themselves.

      • grahamforeverinmyheart says:

        I’ll be following your blog and interested to learn more about Jake. My heart aches for you, your family, and for Jake.

  3. edcol52 says:

    You can learn a lot about him by looking at the photo gallery. I will also be posting some of his photographs in the near future.

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