The title says it all. I have been facing many of the same issues Rebecca writes about, as all bereaved parents do. Her conclusion is one I have come to as well. We don’t really need you to say anything, there are no words. What we need is for you to be there for us whether we need it or not. Not to “help us recover”, there is no recovery for this. Don’t disappear just because you think enough time has elapsed for the grieving parent to have ‘moved on’. There is no moving on. Just moving forward. Everyone moves at their own pace, and the best thing you can do is walk with us, however long it takes.
I know it’s really hard to know what to say to a bereaved parent. There are some really good books and blog articles out there on what to say or not say, though, and I would like to encourage people to read them should they know someone whose child died. It would be really helpful for you – and, as a result, to the parent whose child has died – to be proactive in finding out what might help and what might hurt. Take the initiative – right away – to do some reading about will really help or what not to say to a bereaved parent.
One author on the Still Standing website writes:
If you’re a bereaved parent, you can probably count on at least five hands the number of phrases you wish people would never, ever say to you. If only there was a way for the world…
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The Infinite Fountain 