January 13

Bittersweet. Today we went to “arrange” for Jake’s marker stone. Looking at fonts, finishes, stones, working out the text, like we were designing some ghastly business card. Just another surreal episode in this Bizzaro world we now inhabit. Rachel, our guide through this labyrinth of sorrow was so caring and compassionate, she started crying right away. Waterworks all around. A dear friend and Terry’s sister accompanied us for support, we couldn’t be doing this without the help of our friends and family. That dreadful task finished, we walked out into the warm afternoon sunshine, blinking against the brightness. Wondering how in the world everything could look so normal.

Later, we gathered for a family celebration of birthdays. Not too much reminiscing, this night was for the birthday girls, but there were moments where Jake was sorely missed. He loved this restaurant, and I told a brief recollection of having a photo of the Jetsons autographed by Bill Hanna and Joe Barbera for the Jacob of many, many years ago. I still have that photo. Somehow I managed to tell the story without breaking down. I guess that is progress. It is so odd how we can co-exist with sadness and laughter. As if we have banished our sorrow, for just a moment, to some dark chamber so we can pretend a semblance of normality. But it is always hiding just below the surface. How do we do that?

Now later in the evening, collecting my thoughts, flat and weary. All in all, an exhausting day. Another day that we have survived.

Originally posted on Facebook January 13, 2014