A friend just sent me the link to Ms. Warren’s eloquent plea, and I also saw it re-posted on Rebecca’s blog. As both women have meaningful observations, I thought I’d pass this on. Rebecca is a woman who is much farther along grief’s highway than we are, and offers the perspective of time. What’s true, is that some things do not ‘get better’ with time, no matter how much of it passes. We never go back to our old selves, we are changed permanently. Those old selves are buried with our children. We all have to continue to let people know this; we no longer run on any external timetable. How we deal with this, and in what time frame differs with everyone. As I just said, we are all different in how we do this, yet we are all exactly the same in needing as much time and space as it takes.
The suicide of Rick and Kay Warren’s son made headline news a year ago. Rick is the founder and senior pastor of Saddleback Church, one of the largest churches in America, and author of The Purpose Driven Life and many other books. Recently Kay Warren posted this on her facebook page – her plea for understanding and for the support of true friends:
As the one-year anniversary of Matthew’s death approaches, I have been shocked by some subtle and not-so-subtle comments indicating that perhaps I should be ready to “move on.” The soft, compassionate cocoon that has enveloped us for the last 11 1/2 months had lulled me into believing others would be patient with us on our grief journey, and while I’m sure many will read this and quickly say “Take all the time you need,” I’m increasingly aware that the cocoon may be in the process of collapsing…
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