Lost in Space

It has been nearly two months since I visited these pages. For some reason, the imperative to write is strangely absent. I have had thoughts of writing about Passover, Mother’s Day, the onset of the summer with Father’s Day, a string of birthdays that we won’t celebrate, ideas have popped into my head, but I lack the will to actually sit and pound out the few hundred words necessary.

I came across this today and thought I would share it. This mother echoes much of what I have written, and for the record, it holds just as true for Fathers.

Mothers Are Not Supposed To Bury Their Children – By MaryBeth Cichocki

I have has a few dreams where Jake has visited, and a friend of his just had a visit from him in her dream last week. He is around. He is still with us. That will never change. But underneath it all, I guess what has kept me from writing anything coherent is that I miss him so terribly much, it is debilitating sometimes. No, all the time. It is the sometimes that I can overcome that disability and go on with the semblance of normality my life has become.

I expect this is another phase I am going through, and one day soon, I will pour eloquence onto the page as never before. We’ll see.

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About edcol52

The Infinite Fountain of Love and Loss flows unceasingly into the pool of memory and sorrow. I created this blog in response to the most dreadful tragedy every parent fears, the death of a child, our 24 year old son, Jake. We are now on an unimagined journey along this road of grief and recovery. If you can find some comfort within these pages, than I will have succeeded in some small measure.
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3 Responses to Lost in Space

  1. Kathy says:

    I’m so thankful you’ve written again. I’ve been missing your voice. It’s so lonely out here in this land of loss. We just had our first year anniversary. Wishing you peace.

    • edcol52 says:

      Kathy- Thank you for the kind words. I shall do my best to write more. It has been a struggle of late. I am heartbroken to learn it has been a year since your loss. Time does strange things in this land. If you ever need to talk, please don’t hesitate to contact me directly through the email link at the top of the page. Peace to you and yours.

  2. Cydne says:

    Hello Jake’s parents. This is Cydne in Fallbrook CA. My daughter Alexandra and Jake were friends for years. Good close brother/sister type friends. Kindred souls. Jake visited us Christmas time a few days before he died. He was such a delight and so dear to me. He made fried chicken one night teaching me the whole way. What a wonderful loving man. He stayed as a guest with my daughter on our property out in the Avocado and Citrus groves of Fallbrook high up in a very private somewhat secluded canyon. He shared with me his 2 recent job offers. He was so excited as he knew which one he was going to accept. He had been totally clean of any meds for 8+ months or so and was heading back to accept one of the chef positions. He was a week or so from leaving the rehab center. I may not be totally accurate on dates and times, but this is what we spoke about when he visited. We, Jake, my daughter and myself went to a very eccentric goofy friend of mine. I say goofy because he is quite the collector of old cars, car parts, fabulous street lights, incredible gas canister bells, antique gas pumps, all kinds of vehicle hub caps, a stage for his entertaining friends, etc. He called me the next day and mentioned how enjoyable Jake was. He also said, Jake was huffing and quite out of breath walking up his sloped driveway. Jake had to lean on one of the out buildings to catch his breath. I wasn’t there for this moment. He was concerned and thought Jake wasn’t doing well. The next thing I remember is my daughter Alex was taking him back to the Palm Springs area. I think it was 2 days after that, Alexandra heard from Will what happened to your son. If you ever want to connect with Alexandra or myself, I hope you do. She loved Jake so much and cries often wishing she could just talk with him…I miss him too and wish he were here to do all the terrific things he wanted to during a full life not the one sadly cut short.

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