Author Archives: edcol52

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About edcol52

The Infinite Fountain of Love and Loss flows unceasingly into the pool of memory and sorrow. I created this blog in response to the most dreadful tragedy every parent fears, the death of a child, our 24 year old son, Jake. We are now on an unimagined journey along this road of grief and recovery. If you can find some comfort within these pages, than I will have succeeded in some small measure.

Saudade

Posted on January 21, 2014 by edcol52

Saudade (European Portuguese: [sɐwˈðaðɨ], Brazilian Portuguese: [sawˈdadi] or [sawˈdadʒi], Galician: [sawˈðaðe]; plural saudades)[1] is a Portuguese and Galician word that has no direct translation in English. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or deeply melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing … Continue reading →

Posted in Coping, Grief, Healing, Memory, Past Facebook Post | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

One More Day

Posted on January 21, 2014 by edcol52

January 14 I walked out into the warm Los Angeles morning today. The lemon yellow sun was streaming clear low winter light from the perfectly blue sky. I asked our rabbi, who had come over to visit us, how can … Continue reading →

Posted in Friends and Family, Friends Write, Grief, Healing, Honoring Jake, Jake Colman, Memory, Past Facebook Post, Support | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Arrangements

Posted on January 21, 2014 by edcol52

January 13 Bittersweet. Today we went to “arrange” for Jake’s marker stone. Looking at fonts, finishes, stones, working out the text, like we were designing some ghastly business card. Just another surreal episode in this Bizzaro world we now inhabit. … Continue reading →

Posted in Ceremony, Friends and Family, Grief, Honoring Jake, Jake's Spirit, Memory, Past Facebook Post, Sadness, Support, Tragedy | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pizza Quest

Posted on January 21, 2014 by edcol52

January 12 Today was by turns a bit better and just as bad. We went for coffee along Abbot Kinney, just to get out. It is difficult to walk around in this new world, but necessary. The coffee wasn’t very … Continue reading →

Posted in Coping, Daily Ramblings, Food, Friends and Family, Grief, Healing, Jake Colman, Jake's Spirit, Memory, Past Facebook Post, Sadness | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Porch Light

Posted on January 21, 2014 by edcol52

January 10 Jakey Jake. We’ll leave the light on for you. A very tough day. It started off innocently enough with my early morning cry, a trip to shul to say kaddish and back home. In the afternoon, things shifted … Continue reading →

Posted in Grief, Honoring Jake, Jake's Spirit, Memory, Past Facebook Post, Sadness, Tragedy, Visions | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Apathy

Posted on January 21, 2014 by edcol52

January 8, 2014 Apathy has set in. Yesterday was flat and listless, today bodes to be more of the same. I have to force myself to do the simplest of tasks, make a cup of tea, cut up an orange. … Continue reading →

Posted in Coping, Grief, Jake's Spirit, Memory, Past Facebook Post, Sadness, Tragedy | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dreams

Posted on January 21, 2014 by edcol52

January 6, 2013 I have had dreams of restaurants every night this past few days. Last night, the dream included the submarine ride at Disneyland. Jake loved eating out and at one time wanted to build his own submarine. Go … Continue reading →

Posted in Food, Grief, Jake's Spirit, Memory, Past Facebook Post, Sadness, Tragedy, Visions | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

On the Road

Posted on January 21, 2014 by edcol52

This photo, one of the last taken of Jake just a few days before his death, is so poignant for me. He is on the road, looking toward an unknown destination. He is in the light, but heading into the … Continue reading →

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First Shabbat

Posted on January 21, 2014 by edcol52

January 3, 2014 We had our first Shabbat dinner since that terrible day. Laughter and tears as we shared memories. Speaking of Jake in the present rather than the past helped and hurt both at the same time. Helped because … Continue reading →

Posted in Ceremony, Coping, Friends and Family, Grief, Honoring Jake, Jake's Spirit, Past Facebook Post, Sadness, Tragedy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

January Sunrise

Posted on January 21, 2014 by edcol52

January 2, 2014 Today I looked out my window in the morning and saw Jake in the golden sunrise in the top of his redwood tree, in a miraculous flock of birds that swept through our yard this afternoon, in … Continue reading →

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